My last post was labored. It was a combination of obligation and avoidance: obligation because I felt like I SHOULD write something, and avoidance of facing the paper or computer screen WANTING to write something menaingful, and having nothing come. And so I fell into a silly cliche of writing about the new year, and produced something even I didn't like much. The blog has become my way of assuaging guilt for not diving into the real depths of creativity..."I wrote today...spent a whole 90 minutes on a blog post". And the time wasted wanting to make sure I have appropriate photos...good Goddess, I actually posed a teapot to go along with the phrase "tempest in a teapot"! That's time I'll never get back.
This morning's realization came unbidden and without sadness. I stopped blogging once before, missed it & resumed. Maybe that will happen again, but I'm taking an enforced break from it; no more posts this Winter. At Spring Equinox, I'll see what survived the Winter and what seeds are wanting to be planted,
Until then, I want to just...write. One day this past Summer I went with Linda while she helped a friend with her bees. While they worked, I opened my notebook and...the words flooded in. The story took shape and it felt like I was dancing with Creativity and Inspiration, and it was joyful, powerful, mesmerizing. It was one of the best 90 minutes of my life, and a communion with writing I may never have felt before. I want that again. I want to WANT to write and do it for real and not take the easy way out by writing a blog post. And if writing just takes the shape of some personal narrative scrawled in a notebook, so be it, but the blog has become excuse and easy way out, and not so much creative endeavor anymore.
It's time for risk-taking, and courage, and stoking creative fires, and just maybe resuming that ecstatic menage a trois with Creativity and Inspiration, if they'll still have me.
So perhaps I'll be back in Spring, or maybe not, but I wish you a Winter of peace and comfort. May your own fires burn bright!